His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
