Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
