There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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