every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
