I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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