I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
