Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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