I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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