I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
