Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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