Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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