yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
