im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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