This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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