I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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