Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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