Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
