You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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