if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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