Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
