No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
