got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
