im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
