If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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