I like my sex mixed with concussions.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
