Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
