But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
