She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
