3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
