i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
