if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
