It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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