tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
