Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
