I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
