Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
