remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I looked at my own cervix.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
