OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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