Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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