Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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