Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
