I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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