i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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