just tell him i said nine months
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
