I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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