i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
