im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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