What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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