thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
