how can u be prego again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
