The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
