I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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