Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
