In the future we'll all be gay
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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