I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
